I was shopping at Walmart, I strolled through the doors looking for somewhere to browse
I went over to the adult diaper section, while browsing through the cedar shelves I remembered
causley walking pass a portaloo while entering the store, and I knew there was closer toilets but
something pulled me towards, this one portaloo in particular and then I suddenly needed to go to
the toilet. I walked out of Walmart doors and I clumsily jogged over to it. When I approached it I
felt like something was looking at me with eye’s that could shatter ice, them the door slammed|
open aggressively and I checked it out, it turned out to be a portal. I felt someone push me with
force towards the portal and I tripped on a small rock and fell into the portal. I woke up around
0 seconds ago at an abandoned theme park, the time on my watch was wacky. It was always on
6:66, I knew something was out of place.
The air had the scent of rust and It made me sneeze. While sneezing blood oozed out of my
mouth and it poured onto the cold dead dirt. I could feel my throat being shredded to scraps by
razor blades, I coughed them up they looked like they were carved by a idiot. I’m no expert but it
looked so dull but it cut like a saw blade. But I had a feeling something felt familiar about this
creepy place, It was if id been here before. The aura here was deadly. Life had perished in this
god forsaken place, the plants were dried to the stem and dead, the metal was not identified
as metal. I also had a thought of a devilish clown with purple hair and green eyes, and it was
pursuing me with a weaponized squishy rubber toy hammer that you would see here.
I heard a very eerie sound it sounded like a demon howling or hurling a hair ball from the distance.
I started to notice that fog was closing into my position, the fog was so dense I could barely see a
thing, it was like I stuck my head in a bush. Something caught my eye for a second, red demonic
eyes jumped up and gawked at me, then it lowered slowly to the ground and disappeared. The sky
started to get dark, extremely dark, darker than black, I heard footsteps charging at me and then
before I could react. I felt a blow to my chest and I threw up, I started to be nauseous and dizzy. I
realised that I was going to black out in a hell hole. But before that happened I saw a goats skull
laying on the ground sideways and it was facing at me menacingly, I felt some sort of hammer hit
my head and then I Passed out.
I had a nightmare of a levitating skull it looked like it was being held on by a tall figure, it stood
staring at me like it was looking straight through me. The idea of death was scampering in my mind,
my head was pounding like a drum and I saw blood pouring down my face like a waterfall. The
blood was a crimson red colour, I heard something moving towards me and it got to my ear and
chanted quite threats in my ear “death is upon you...” While I was in shock from hearing that, in the
background I could hear blood curdling screams. hearing the screams of tortured souls, woke me up immediately and what I had seen was something you would see in nightmares...
staring at me like it was looking straight through me. The idea of death was scampering in my mind,
my head was pounding like a drum and I saw blood pouring down my face like a waterfall. The
blood was a crimson red colour, I heard something moving towards me and it got to my ear and
chanted quite threats in my ear “death is upon you...” While I was in shock from hearing that, in the
background I could hear blood curdling screams. hearing the screams of tortured souls, woke me up immediately and what I had seen was something you would see in nightmares...
Wow Vin! You have written an awesome piece of writing. I love the wide variety of adjectives and adverbs that you have used. You have really painted a picture for your readers. I like that you have focused on describing the senses. Perhaps next time, you could try and use some metaphors or similes in your writing. Miss Tozer.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for the feed back!
DeleteGreat job Vin I really enjoyed this piece of writing It was a really good I like how you put interesting vocab and next time you could ad names for your writing also I just want to know WHY? walmart
ReplyDeleteamazing work Vin i like how you added lots of detail maybe next time you could make it longer its so good anyway bye for now and..... WERE YOUR SEAT BELT
ReplyDelete